Voxself

I received a delightful email from former Fairfax Fashion Editor Janice Breen Burns yesterday, telling me that her new fashion commentary website Voxfrock is now up and running. I've long been a fan of Jan's writing and perspective, but I'm very much looking forward to reading her work now that she is able to express it more freely than she might have otherwise on someone else's masthead.

One of the great perks of self publishing is exactly that - you're your own publisher, you're not accountable to anyone else. Your own opinion can flourish, without being edited by the agendas of others. Now don't get me wrong, this is fraught with issues too (hello, twitter trolls), but it does allow us, the people, a great deal more say.

Much has been made of the move away from traditional print publications to online, particularly in Jan's sphere of fashion. I see this new style of independance as being increasingly critical in a media landscape full of vested interests and obscured corporate agendas. Call me crazy, but I can't help feel that transparent and honest communications on issues as they relate to PEOPLE rather than CORPORATIONS is an important part of a democractic system and critical to the way our society operates.

Yesterday also marked the final time Jan's former employer The Age will distribute their print publication in its extended format, giving way to the bulk of content being delivered online, supplemented by a smaller midweek print run. The end of an era for many, including a number of staff.

As incomprehensible as it may seem for the likes of The Age (or fashion equivalent Vogue) to no longer hold such strong influence, there will likely be a time in the future where print publications simply don't exist. The balance of influence has already shifted percetibly. Small, agile publications (bloggers, tweeters, independent online platforms) are fast gaining ground on their larger, burocratic cousins and threatening to overrun things.

Case in point: i don't watch the news. I don't read the papers (except Saturday's Age, despite the fact it isn't as good as it once was). I subscribe to a selection of niche, mostly independent print publications. I read a great deal of online content - from large and small publishers and persons of interest. My opinions are not being formed by the publications folks once relied on for their connection with the world at large. I publish my own content on several different channels including this one.

Does this mean that I, as a self publisher, should be held to the same ethical standards as these larger outlets (once were)? That means transparency, honesty, balanced opinion, critical thinking, full disclosure. To me, the answer is yes.

This gives me a great deal more responsibility - to read widely, to think carefully and to navigate my way purposefully through the maze of content available to me. It means I need to be much more active as a consumer and creator of content. It means investigating, forming my own opinions - independent of opinions of those I'm reading - and thinking critically. 

The age of passive consumption has passed - of media and everything else. I hope others will take this opportunity become more active in the way they (and others) view their world, the information they consume and share, and the way they participate in the society they inhabit.

Are you a self publisher or an active media consumer? Do you take this seriously? Or should we forget about that and just keep babbling?

Streamlining

Towards the end of last year, I wrote about focus.

Until now though, I've been unable to really cull from my burgeoning "project list" like I should. I've been unwilling to sever the strong emotional connections I've developed to some of the enterprises I'd been incubating, some of them for quite some time now.

After a very well timed conversation with my dear friend Kate, I'm going to try and do it properly. Streamline, that is.

It means being quite ruthless with what I spend my time on. I know that what I'm really interested in is Systems. The big stuff. I want to understand how the big stuff impacts on the smaller stuff, the personal stuff. So I've decided I'm going to focus on this in a real way.

This might look like a slight change in direction. It means some of the projects I'd been planning to spend time on this year will have to be put on the bench for a while. I think this is for the best though - probably for the eventual success of these projects and certainly for my effectiveness and mental health!

Already, I feel like this is a great load off my chest. I feel much more free to dive into the areas I'm truly interested in pursuing. In depth.

This might mean my areas of interest could appear to have shifted. It could be temporary, or permanent. But I need to have a real go at these things and figure out where I stand.

I hope you'll still call by occasionally and visit.

Dancing With the Corpse

The problem is that economy is now toxed out. Radioactive. Crawling with paper vermin and all manner of vermin, especially toxic derivatives - about $1.4 quadrillion worth (even as we are still trying to get used to hearing the term trillions), according to the Bank of National Settlements. That is 1,000 trillion, or $190,000 for every human being on the planet. There is not now, and never will be, enough wealth to cover that puppy, because there is not enough natural world under the puppy to create it. Not the way capitalism creates wealth.

Defenders of capitalism who say it can and must be saved must also admit that there is not enough money left to work with, to invest. There is only debt. Oh, yeah, we forgot; debt is wealth to a banker. Well then, all we gotta do is collect $190,000 per head from people in Sudan and Haiti and the rest of the planet.

- Joe Bageant - view full essay

A Few Things I Learned in 2012

I wrote this a little while ago, but I was worried I sounded jaded and cynical. But after reading this I’ve decided I should publish it anyway.

2012 has been interesting for me. Challenging in many ways, but also enlightening. Hopefully I’ve grown - personally and professionally.

I’ve learned a few harsh lessons. Which are:

If you work for the love of it, and you lose the love, you’re not left with much.
Some of you may also know this as don’t work for free. I worked on some emotionally challenging projects this year. At times, I felt used, exhausted, resentful and unvalued. What I learned is that I will never work for love again, unless it is on my own projects.

Everyone is in it for themselves.
And most likely they don’t give a shit about you, your bank balance, your feelings or your reputation. They want what they want and if you can’t provide it, they’ll toss you and find someone who can. Unless you’re creating value, you’re not valuable.

Kudos doesn’t pay your bills.
Though I’ve benefitted from some lovely pats on the back this year, you can’t pay your bills with kind words and it is another thing entirely to convert positive sentiment to cold hard cash. Clue: You need to DO SOMETHING.

Fragmented focus leads to burn out / Burn out is a real thing.
Fear of missing out and chronic control freak tendencies have left me feeling utterly worn out this year. And while I may not yet have figured out exactly what it is I’m good at, I’ve found things I love doing, and others that I don’t so it hasn’t been for nothing.

I can’t do everything, but I can do something.
I am limited. There are some things (many, in fact) that I am just not good at. Attempting to solve all the world’s problems on my own is sure to lead to insanity. However, doing what I can to the best of my ability is sure to lead to satisfaction, both personally and professionally.

And the best bits:

I’m very lucky to be married to such an incredible man.
Don’t know what he sees in me, but I’m sure glad he sees something.

Delayed gratification is the definition of maturity.
For all her whining, Carrie Bradshaw was right about one thing. And also, doing things for the benefit of others will bring you more happiness and satisfaction than being self involved ever can.

A little bit of perspective changes everything.
Learn to think of yourself from outside your little patch of the world. Then see if you like what you see.

Support comes from where you least expect it.
At periods this year when I’ve really needed support, I have found it from the most unexpected of avenues. As I now know, its when you’re going through a challenging time that you find out who your real friends are. They’re the ones you should hold on to.

I’d rather be farming.
The absolute simplicity of growing your own food, and sitting outside all of the bullshit, is the one biggest thing I’m looking forward to - the light at the end of the tunnel. And I can’t wait.

ENFP

Someone asked me last week what my Myers-Briggs Personality Types is. Cynical as I am about pop psychology, I don’t normally go in for this sort of thing. I had vague recollections of being tested in my final years of high school, and only because I was apparently one of the most extroverted people of 200 or so in our year 11 and 12. Hmmm….

Curious, I did the test again. And it returned a resounding result of ENFP. And if you believe this summary, it is pretty damn on point.

ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents. They are good at most things which interest them. Project-oriented, they may go through several different careers during their lifetime. To onlookers, the ENFP may seem directionless and without purpose, but ENFPs are actually quite consistent, in that they have a strong sense of values which they live with throughout their lives. Everything that they do must be in line with their values. An ENFP needs to feel that they are living their lives as their true Self, walking in step with what they believe is right. They see meaning in everything, and are on a continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to achieve inner peace. They’re constantly aware and somewhat fearful of losing touch with themselves. Since emotional excitement is usually an important part of the ENFP’s life, and because they are focused on keeping “centered”, the ENFP is usually an intense individual, with highly evolved values.

Particularly in the context of my family (none of whom are ENFPs, trust me, I tested them all), this makes an immense amount of sense. My parents couldn’t figure out where my strong sense of values, and what’s right and wrong came from, as they’re both more interested in the outcome. Now I know it is just how I am.

It isn’t all sunshine and roses though.

An ENFP needs to focus on following through with their projects. This can be a problem area for some of these individuals. Unlike other Extraverted types, ENFPs need time alone to center themselves, and make sure they are moving in a direction which is in sync with their values. ENFPs who remain centered will usually be quite successful at their endeavors. Others may fall into the habit of dropping a project when they become excited about a new possibility, and thus they never achieve the great accomplishments which they are capable of achieving.

I’ve been aware of this for a while, and become extremely conscious of my tendency to move on to something new if I’m uninspired by what I’m working on. In some senses it is a relief to know it is an inherent personality type so I can now look to working on it. I’ve noticed too, sometimes I’m so excited about the possibilities that I don’t want to actually DO anything to jeopardise things, in case they don’t work out as well as I hope they might. It is a nice reminder that I need to put as much energy into carrying through with things, than as getting excited about the possibilities, to make sure possibilities are realised.

Any other Myers-Briggs insights? Any fellow ENFPs out there with some great tips?

Off Grid

With all that’s been going on for the last couple of months I’ve been very lazy with my use of social media.

I can’t decide if I care about this or not.

On the one hand, I know the value of good social media use. On the other hand, I feel like I’m at the point where I want to use social media only when it serves me - in a way that is unobtrusive and authentic (ie, not premeditated.)

I’ve had lots of conversations with my friend Kate about how social media’s real value is as a tool for increasing in person, real life, meaningful engagement. (She’s doing great things in this realm with The Fetch.) And I feel like I’m at a good place in this regard.

But does that mean I’m ignoring the vast amount of value beyond this?

The thing is, I feel like I know why I’ve been keeping my digital distance. The issue is though, I don’t quite know how to resolve it.

Stay tuned.

A Good Year

Yesterday I was so overwhelmed with all the work I need to get through, that instead I watched a film. Yeah. I know. No gold star for me on the productivity front.

The film was A Good Year. Nothing groundbreaking. A sweet tale of the good things in life triumphing over the trivial things we all think we want. Russell Crowe was ever charismatic, and Marion Cotillard was charming, demanding and very french. And there was a surprise appearance by Australian Abbie Cornish.

It has kind of thrown me for a loop though. I thought I was getting my head sorted - focusing on the priorities at hand and working through my very handy (and ever present) to do list. Trying to remind myself not to get caught up in the bigger things I want to do, and ignoring my growing bucket list. For now, at least.

But watching Russell (aka Max) live out my lifelong dream - settling on an old chateau in Provence to make wine - was like poking an almost healed wound. It has brought my wanderlust rushing back, it made my crave some quality time at our farm (permanent if possible), and it made me mentally start reconfiguring my to resemble Russell and Marion’s fantasy existence.

I can’t even explain how this feels.

I know reality is never like it seems to be in the movies, but it reminded me in a very real way that there is an alternative to feeling like a hamster on a wheel or whatever the saying is.

I remember a while ago now, when I told my very conservative businessman father that I wanted to leave my job to work on projects I was passionate about, he said to me “I don’t see how that will make you any money”, and I wanted to scream at him, “That’s not the effing point!”

And it isn’t the point. For me at least. It seems there’s a generation gap here. And it probably has to do with the fact that we’ve always had it good, and our parents have always wanted us to have it good, so they’ve always wanted to provide for us financially. In essence, we’re spoilt. We’re also more socially and environmentally aware, overqualified and underexperienced, and hyper connected to the way the global economy works. In a sense, it is inevitable.

And now, my dad tells me he’s not longer enjoying work. He wants to retire and become a farmer. Isn’t it funny how things come full circle?

There must be a balance somewhere. Is having a personally and financially fulfilling life a figment of our collective imaginations?

Am I deluded in thinking, that as soon as Marcus and I are married (less than 2 weeks from now), we can happily make ourselves at home on our farm, grow vegies, drink wine and be happy? Why is it that this simple life is so unattainable for so many of us? What else is there that’s more important?

Busy

But we get busy. Too busy scrolling our phone screens, watching TV, catching up with all the mundane shit in life and we forget about our dreams. We say things like “I don’t have time,” and when we get frustrated that we don’t have enough time, we assuage that feeling of impotence by buying shit we don’t need, which we think will make us feel better. Granite countertops, leather sofas, sometimes skis, climbing gear or bikes we never use. Maybe that’s because we’re scared of whatever it is we’ve been thinking about for so long, or maybe it’s easier to buy something instead of doing something. Or maybe something we saw told us our dream was something different, and we bought into that.

Source

This really resonates with me. I posted something about the cult of busy on facebook this week.

I am certainly not immune to this - far from it - but I feel like I have a few friends who are constantly too busy to catch up, but I see LOTS of social media activity, all the time. Call me crazy, but I'd rather quality over quantity - engaging one on one with real people, than knowing a lot of people on the surface.

For me it comes down to prioritising what you want your life to be about. Sure you can spend all your time and money on things that don't really matter, or you can take things slow, spend quality time with the people you love, spend less on things you think you need so you'll have money left over for the important things like travel and lifechanging experiences.

Sure, if you want to live in a million dollar house, retire at 50 so you can play lots of golf you have to work long hours and climb to the top. But you just might die at 49.

So instead, why not work less, spend less and enjoy every year of your life, rather than holding out until you're old to quit the job you hate, the one you're only working so you can buy things you don't need to impress people who don't like you.

Coz I can tell you for certain, that at the end of your life, it won't be not quite making a big deal that you'll regret. It will be not taking enough time to enjoy what life is really about, spending time with your family and those most important to you, pursuing your dreams, making real emotional connections and expanding your mind.

That said, who am I to decide for everyone what's important in life? I'm just a kid.

Creative Role Models

As I continue my search for the perfect work/life balance or whatever it is I'm searching for, I've found myself paying particular attention to a handful of people who set a great example to me for a career/study/work path I'd like to emulate.What I've noticed about each of these people is that they almost make a point of going against the grain. They do what isn't expected, challenge the norm, and seem to enjoy life an awful lot for it. Straying outside the safe way of doing things may seem risky, but the potential reward is so great. I've commented on this before, but I might leave more discussion on that for another post I have brewing...

For now, here's my current list.

James Franco

Though some discount him as yet another slashie - model/actor/director/etc - I really admire his love for information, creativity and pursuit of projects that aren't necessarily popular, as well as for his passion for education. He might be odd in some ways and he will no doubt continue to have his detractors, but for my mind, he is one of the most interesting personalities in Hollywood. He could have just as easily relied on his good looks like many others, but instead he continues to push the envelope and follows his creative instincts, whether or not they lead him to sound business pursuits or not. I hope I can create a body of work that is as varied as James, and I hope I rack up as many degrees as he has managed to.

Marieke Hardy

As literature lover, writer, radio and television personality, and creator of her own projects like Women of Letters with writer Micheala McGuire, Marieke's strong opinions, creative drive and likeable nerdiness give me hope that a love of reading might turn out to lead to a viable career path. What I admire in Marieke is that she makes no apologies for being intelligent, opinionated and a little offbeat, and she manages to do it in a way that is mostly entertaining and rarely offensive. She seems to be the kind of person who would be fun to collaborate with - generous, good at thinking out of the box and good for a giggle. She is also a great strong, female role model who embraces personality traites some women seem to shy away from.

Mirka Mora

A true Melbourne treasure, Mirka feels like the last bastion of a long lost era. An unashamed and unrelenting bohemian, she continues to live life filled with creativity, hedonism and authenticity, well into her eighties. I've come across her several times and it has been such a joy to converse in french with her, and to witness her utter joy and love of life first hand. If nothing else, I hope I continue to live my life with such passion and enthusiasm as I age. It seems to me, she has managed to transpose french life successfully to Melbourne, and I think I'd like to follow her example in that too.

Lena Dunham

This young lady is a pretty formidable creative powerhouse at just 26, having written and directed Tiny Furniture two years ago, and written, directed and starred in Girls to great acclaim. It hasn't all be rosy, with Lena copping plenty thanks to the fact that she doesn't filter her version of reality to have it comply with what some may think it should. Plus, she looks vastly different to most of Hollywood, and isn't shy about the fact that she's young, female, opinionated and clearly quite driven. With such an impressive body of work already, I can't help but feel I have a bit of catching up to do.

Zan Rowe

For a long time, I wanted to be the Music Director at Triple J. And great as Richard Kingsmill is, eventually I decided Zan was more awesome, more enthusiastic and with better hair. What I love about Zan is that she seems to walk the fine line between LOVING her job, and still be impossibly cool about having the best job in the world. Plus, she makes no apologies for being intelligent, informed, articulate and female. To me, she's a great antidote to an exhaustingly sceney industry, filled with too-cool kids, without inspiration or aspiration. And happily, she seems to see through those types, in as nice a way as possible.

Beyonce Knowles

I can't think of a woman more well known, or more in control of her brand and image. Her creative pursuits stretch across film, fashion and digital, and are anchored by her musical output. For me, Beyonce signifies a new breed of feminism - strong and sexy while remaining classy and in control. She's been in the public spotlight for what seems like forever, and has managed to deliver everything she's done to a high level of quality. With a phenomenally influential husband and a new baby, I'm intrigued to see where things will go next.

Do you have career/life/work role models? Who are they? Why do you aspire to be like them?

Release

Following earlier posts about me finding myself over committed (again), and flustered (again), a few things have risen to the surface. Some really lovely people have sent useful links, thoughts, comments, and resources through. I really, really appreciate your help in finding my way.I'm really enjoying the process of posting here, talking out loud. But if my catharsis is bothering you, my apologies and please feel free to move on.

I've noted below a few concepts/themes that are really resonating for me, as I recalibrate and set my intentions for the remainder of the year, and ongoing. I hope they are also useful for those of you who have told me you're going through similar things, or those of you who are quietly struggling alone.

What overload looks like

I came across a list of things that occur when you're overloading via my old gym, of all places. Though I think these are intended to be applied to your exercise regime, they are definitely applicable here.

• You’ve stopped enjoying things you normally love
• You feel tired most of the time
• You feel overwhelmed or out of control
• You find it hard to relax

Idleness is not a dirty word

Bertrand Russell wrote about it in "In praise of idleness". Life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. Take time to smell the roses, to do what really matters to you, and to do nothing. The chances of the important things being the same things you're paid to do, unfortunately, are not high. But do them anyway.

I'm going to strive not to be "busy". Busy is not the same as effective. Busy does not make me happy. Busy does not bring out my best work, or the best of me as a person. And it certainly does not allow me to bring out the best in others.

Less is more

Putting all (or most) of your energy into one project makes it much more likely to succeed. According to this incredibly insightful article, "When we really have clarity of purpose, it leads to success." This is the first step. People with a singular focus are often the ones who achieve those really incredible things we're astounded by.

Things that no longer serve you will disappear

Jan Stewart told me this one a while ago. All too often, I'm reluctant to let go of things, even after I know they're no longer working for me. As Jan says, if you practice mindfulness, you'll notice things you no longer need (even subconsciously) will leave your life.

Fear of mediocrity

I've realised slowly that perhaps the reason I'm working myself into such a state, what I'm really afraid of, is being average. I want to live a remarkable life and to achieve something. I'm beginning to unpack this and I think I'm starting to understand why and what it all means. No doubt there will be more on this.

Limited diversity

Geoff Dyer said, "Have more than one idea on the go at any one time. If it's a choice between writing a book and doing nothing I will always choose the latter. It's only if I have an idea for two books that I choose one rather than the other." He may be talking about writing, but I feel like this is true for any one working on their own projects. Too many though, and it becomes far too easy to avoid things when they become too challenging. (More tips for writers here.)

Love is all around

Many people around me are facing similar challenges to what I'm sorting through at the moment. More still have been through it and come out the other side. There is an endless amount of wisdom to draw on. And there are so many amazing people willing to share it with me.

Happy weekend.

The media model

For my final Masters (Commerce/Sustainable Practice) Essay, I'm looking at the media and what influence it has on driving sustainable consumption behaviour.As an industry, the media is driven my the sale of advertising, which in turn relies on the sale of products (or services).

For the purposes of this essay, I'm positing that the simplest of sustainable consumption behaviour is buying less.

• How then, can an industry that is dependent on people buying more, support or encourage the reverse? 
• How does the current business model for the media industry limit our shift to more sustainable levels of consumption?
• What impact will the shift to online or independent media have?
• How does the social responsibility of the media play a role here?
• Does social responsibility exist in the media?
• What does this look like in Australia/elsewhere?

More to come.

Bucket List

Keeping my eyes on the horizon. Here are a list of things I want to do/see. Soon.

Physical challenges
A marathon
Tough Mudder
Colour Run
Bikram 30 day Challenge
Bikram Teacher Training
Triathlon

Travel
El Camino de Santiago
India Trip
North Africa Trip -morocco, tunisia, algeria
Le Grand Tour through Europe
South and Central America - machu picchu, incan and mayan ruins
Central Australian Communities
Northern Lights
Scandinavia
Egypt

Personal
Write a book
Live overseas again, but properly, as an expat
Make my own cider
Do my PhD
10 day Vipassana
Live on our farm
Be an international aid volunteer
Own a piano

I’m sure I’ll think of more. But here’s a start.

Everyday Heroism

At uni this morning my lecturer spoke about how being aware of all the big things we can do to make a difference environmentally becomes overwhelming at times. Sometimes you need to remember the small actions you can take.

This is so timely given discussions that have been happening in other parts of the internets (read my posts below) between people working for social good.

We were prompted to list the small heroic things we can do to make a difference in our own lives.

For me, when it all gets too much, I think of Curracloe Farm. I think about how great it will be living off the grid and connected to nature, our food and the way we live at a level I think very few people who live in the city really are.

I think about riding my bike, walking through nature, spending time in our vegie garden, cooking beautiful food, reading and writing about things that really matter to me. I think about having deep connections with people who really care about the big stuff, and who are doing small things to affect change.

And I think about how I wish I was there now.

Read some of my recent posts about this:

10 days ago: http://laramcpherson.com/2012/08/21/what-should-i-be-when-i-grow-up/

Last week: http://laramcpherson.com/2012/08/24/learning/

Today: http://laramcpherson.com/2012/09/01/jugglingstruggling/

I’d welcome any constructive feedback.

Juggling/Struggling

Anyone who has been plugged into conversations happening online and offline in the last couple of weeks will know that things seem to be shifting somewhat of late.Many people I admire and respect a great deal, people I consider to be doing amazing things for the greater good, have confessed that the challenge has become overwhelming. This honesty and vulnerability has prompted a range of reactions from people in similar situations, and those who aren't.

I wrote about my own experiences here and here. But I'm feeling today that perhaps I wasn't honest enough with where I'm at. I've decided I need to be really clear on how I'm feeling. And I'm certainly not intending to glorify this or say that my process is any better or worse than anyone else's. I'm simply talking aloud here and trying to figure things out for myself, and I'm hoping to benefit from the insights of others who are going through or who have been through something similar. If you're sick of hearing me talk about myself, my process and my life, I don't blame you. But if you don't have anything constructive to contribute I'd respectfully ask that you quietly move on and avoid making this harder for me than it already is. I don't want to paint too dire or too self-adulatory a picture here. I'm just trying to figure some things out.

The truth is - I'm completely overwhelmed. It has hit me like a sledge hammer this week. I am burnt out. I am so exhausted from juggling competing priorities for too long. A lovely friend wrote something about me recently and said the following: "If Lara McPherson somehow acquired more than ten fingers and thumbs, there is no doubt she would be cramming them into multiple creative pies at the same time." I hope it was intended as a compliment, but the truth is I cannot keep so many fingers in so many pies.

I think I've finally figured out what has happened and how I have arrived at this point.

1. I'm an intelligent person. I have always done well academically, despite minimal effort. I'm interested in everything. I love learning, either in a traditional educational setting, or in a self driven way. I have always loved reading. Anything. I listen to podcasts - on history, social theory, business, literature, science, food, environment, wellness, travel, whatever I can get my hands on - all the time. At the gym, at work, and when I'm falling asleep. I want to know everything about everything. Or at least something about everything.

2. I'm a creative. I am constantly coming up with new projects to pursue. I thrive on inspiration but I struggle to work without it. I'm also easily bored, bad at finishing what I start. One of my greatest assets (and liabilities) is creating connections and seeing opportunities. I think perhaps this is a virtue of the fact that my interests spread across so many areas and industries. More than anything I love thinking strategically about the way things can be improved.

3. I am unsatisfied with the way things are done. I see injustices, imbalances and impracticalities with the way the world works and I instinctively feel it is my job to change things. In particular, my concerns centre on the way we consume, the way the media works, how little people think for themselves and take on the accepted wisdom, our education system and the current economic paradigm. These are BIG areas to try and tackle, on your own or with a whole heap of people. But I'm only just figuring out that I might not be able to change everything I want to.

4. I have a chronic fear of missing out and I'm prone to choice anxiety. If I have an idea, I hate the idea of hanging it off to someone else to see it realised. Perhaps that means I'm selfish. But also, the idea of missing out on a chance to learn something, to meet people, to find a new opportunity does not sit well with me. At all. So what I tend to do instead is try and do everything. But the reality is you can only juggle so many things at once. And fewer still if you want to do any of them well.

5. I also have a chronic need to please people. I'm not quite sure where this comes from - I'd say it probably has to do with my relationship with my Dad - but it feels really important to me that people like me. This means I'm likely to promise the world to people, even if I can not actually deliver it. The idea of being "too generous" seems ridiculous to me, but I'm getting my head around the fact that I am - and often. Mostly, I give my time too freely and it comes back to haunt me.

6. I'm irrationally optimistic. And for the most part I think this is a good way to be. Though as my previous point might illustrate, it actually doesn't really occur to me very often that things might not work out for the best. I always think the best of people, it doesn't occur to me that everyone isn't in it for the right reasons. I've been incredibly fortunate in my life, and I suppose I have no reason not to think this. But reality dictates that everything isn't right all the time.

7. I'm an organiser. I love people. I love bringing my favourite people together. I also like things how I like them. So rather than jumping on board someone else's idea, I'm always more inclined to organise something of my own - this applies to things like my businesses, my netball team, my running group, and a million other examples. I think it goes back to me wanting to please people. Maybe it is just that I want the pat on the back that comes with it?

8. Money doesn't drive me. My parents have always been comfortable financially, and it never occurred to me that I might not be. The idea of getting a job I don't enjoy to pay the bills feels exactly opposed to my values. In fact I've done it, and I hated it. I don't know that I could bring myself to do it again. My attitude to money means I'm good at spending and bad at saving, because I assume more will always come along - irrational optimism as fiscal policy.

9. I am always on. Because I do what I love, delineation between my work and personal life is non-existant. I'm extremely bad at compartmentalising my life. This means my work and personal relationships collide, my work and personal finances collide, my digital presence serves both work and personal functions. This makes it incredibly hard to step away from work when I need to to focus on my personal life.

10. I like round numbers. Or more specifically, numbers divisible by 5. This is actually a real thing about me. I also like lists.

The culmination of all of these factors looks something like this:

I am involved in a long list of projects, but I feel like I'm doing nothing well. I spend so much time in my head thinking about how to manage competing priorities that I am mentally exhausted. I love starting new projects, but usually I burn out or run out of inspiration before I can see any of them through to completion. I feel like I'm working my bum off, but I'm not actually illustrating my true capacity which is incredibly frustrating. I feel like I've been plugging away for a while now, but that I have almost nothing to show for it and I'm not getting to where I think I want to go. I don't have a good grasp of what my real skills are, because I'm so used to trying to do everything. I love setting goals (with the best of intentions) but I lack the perseverance and persistance to see them realised. I am passionate about many things, but I forget that I cannot be everything to everyone.

What the above list and this outline of my current situation tell me is that I need to do a complete reassessment of how I've been operating.

I'm not 100% clear on how to approach this, but I think I have a few ideas on how to get started. Here's another list.

1. Cull - aka focus. I need to get extremely selective about what I'm involved in professionally. This probably means there will be several people reading this who I may have to have difficult conversations with in the next couple of weeks. I hope that they recognise that this is probably a good thing for them, and it definitely is for me.

2. Become good at something - I think I have an inkling as to what this might be, but now is the time to specialise in it. Absorb myself completely in one thing. Just writing that now feels like such a relief.

3. Be clear about my value - I have been far too inclined to do work for free or for contra. But this is not the path to financial sustainability and it certainly won't pay for my much needed holiday. I need to get into the habit of clarifying the terms of any work arrangement I enter into before I take it on.

4. Take time to reflect and appreciate - I tend to get too caught up in the doing to spend time thinking about what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. Just starting to write things down in the last few weeks has been amazing. Sorry if you're sick of reading about it, but having it here is helping me too much for me to stop it.

5. Focus on my physical and mental health - my mind and body have taken a beating in the last few years. Stress and anxiety have wreaked havoc on my hormones, which has impacted on my weight, fitness, self esteem, mood, emotional stability, and even my sleep. (I never thought I would say that.) For too long now, I have ignored the signs of physical and mental exhaustion and managed to get by on caffeine and carbohydrates. But my body cannot handle this anymore so I need to make my health a priority to ensure I'm reaching my full potential.

Well, that's a start. I would love to hear from any of you who have words of wisdom to share. I know there is a wealth of knowledge in the community and I'm choosing now to make the most of it if it is available.

Today is the first day of spring and it is a beautiful day in Melbourne. Life is good and I feel extremely fortunate to have so many inspiring, supportive people around me.

Sustainable Consumption and the Fashion Press

For my final semester in the Master of Sustainable Practice at RMIT, I'm looking into if and how the fashion and mainstream press help communicate the message of sustainable consumption.Much of my work involves looking at reasons why or why not "the system" will support or encourage us to move to more sustainable models of consumption. The media has been the point of a great deal of investigation, as it seems to be an almost insurmountable obstacle to us truly understanding the impacts of our current levels of consumption.

In a recent discussion with my class mates, I raised the issue of just how at odds the message of sustainable consumption (ie, consume less) is with the mainstream media business model that is driven my advertising revenue, which is dependent on sales.

This has come up in conversations many times of late, and we've seen the emergence of new media models like The Conversation, which is not driven by advertising sales, and is instead funded by a group of universities.

I anticipate that I will post much more on this in the coming weeks as I finalise my article for assessment. In the meantime though, I'd love to hear of any example of the mainstream press and fashion media spreading the sustainable consumption message.

Get in touch.

Learning

This week has been interesting. Following my confession on Tuesday that I'm not good at everything (shock horror!), and that I've been struggling to come to terms with this, I've been overwhelmed by the support I've received from all the wonderful people around me.Some really interested points were raised in response to a confession from David Hood, another person I admire and respect, that he too was stretched. David and I do similar kind of work  - centred on engagement, education and collaboration for good. Though his work is mainly focused in the broader social change space, and mine in specifically in the fashion sector, I see a lot of cross over. Hence much of the discussion really resonated with me. Here's are some extracts:

>>> On the risks of this kind of work:

"We know the benefits of operating in open, collaborative, networked and real-time ways - are these the negative impacts? A reminder to be mindful... and create space." - David Hood

and

"I came to realise was that my greatest strength...the ability to remain open and see so many connections and opportunities that others couldnt even recognise, was also my greatest nemesis." - Annalie Killian

and also

"When the majority of what you do is live event-based I think the risk of burnout is especially high." - Tom Dawkins

These comments particularly rang true for me with the kind of work that I do. Like Annalie, one of my greatest strengths is my ability to see connections and opportunities, and also like Annalie, I find it almost impossible to leave this alone and to turn it off. As someone who is interested in everything, I'm forever coming up with new projects/collaborations/endeavours. And I have trouble reconciling the idea that they don't all need to be realised, and certainly not all right now. As David says, when we are all connected and accessible all the time, it is so difficult to know when to stop. As Tom notes too, working in live events, to concrete deadlines (where the culmination of your work is often realised in person and measured by the level of social engagement) is extremely exhausting.

>>> On personal sustainability:

"What is really useful [is] to translate the principles of sustainability on the personal eco-system." - Anni Roolf

I've written before about balance. And while I stand by my statement that it isn't the be all and end all, this comment prompted some kind of small personal epiphany in me. The idea of personal sustainability has been raised frequently in the past couple of years. But this comment from Anni prompted me to think about it as I would triple bottom line reporting for an organisation. Similar to the recommendations I would make to any fashion business looking at "sustainability", I've been thinking about this in terms of people/profit/planet. To me, this translates as mental (social and intellectual stimulation), financial (business and bank balance), and health (physical and emotional). Ideally, these things should be mirrored in the community you're a part of too - ie, you should also work on the sustainability of those around you in tandem with yourself. Give and take between these three pillars for you as an individual and in your community is not only necessary, but vital for the best outcome. I guess I am really talking about balance here, but I prefer to allow plenty of room for ebb and flow, understanding that all pillars will rarely be in perfect alignment, and in fact that is the point!

As with in the sustainable fashion world, what has become increasingly evident, is the importance of  transparency - or in this sense, honesty. This seems to really go against the grain for many, as vulnerability is not popular where personal branding exists. It is risky, from a professional standpoint. But for me, it is because it is unpopular and because it is perceived as risky that it is powerful. The very clever Kirk Bennitten has been doing some thinking along these lines...

>>> On limitations:

"You're loved, you're supported and you're freakin' awesome; you're also a frail, weak and limited human being and you need to come to terms with the reality of your own constraints." - Cameron Burgess

I've spent a considerable amount of time with Cameron in the last little while in his capacity as my business mentor, and board member of Sustainable Fashion Australia. Additionally, he is a profoundly intuitive person, and I learned a great deal from him beyond business strategy! His comment here is so, so valid. We are all limited, we can't achieve everything all on our own. We can only work to our strengths, be supported by others and achieve what we can.

>>> On being ahead of the curve:

"I've come to accept that the life of a frontrunner is a hard one, that he will suffer more injuries than most men and that many of these injuries will not be accidental." - a quote from Pele via Jennifer Sertl

and also

"Your work is not to drag the world kicking and screaming into a new awareness. Your job is to simply do your work - sacredly, secretly and silently - and those with 'eyes to see and ears to hear' will respond." - Viv McWaters

I've been having many discussions about this in recent months. There is no doubt that it is easier to follow the established path through life, rather than walk the road less travelled. There are inherent risks involved in doing things differently, but for me, like any gambler knows, with greater risk comes greater potential rewards.

>>> And finally, a comment on creativity:

‎"Creativity and solitude are inextricably linked." a quote from Robert Hughes via Tony Hollingsworth

I've always loved Steven Johnson's philosophy "chance favours the connected mind" which he espouses in his "Where Good Ideas Come From" talk which you can see here on TED.com (which links back to Annalie's comments earlier), but perhaps I've forgotten the vital next step when it comes to actually creating something. As Robert Hughes alludes to here, the processes of creation requires sustained focus, concentration, and drive and solitude is a great friend to these principles. All too often I'm too busy having good ideas, collaborating and sharing, to actually sit with them and work to see them realised. Reflection, analysis and recalibration have been underrated in my life to this point, but this is about to change.

I don't have all the answers. I haven't learned all the secrets in the past week. But Anni Roolf did offer some fantastic suggestions to work on which I've paraphrased below:

> Create areas in your life that have nothing to do with your work :: doing nothing, doing beautiful things with no aims. > Develop a personal, healthy time structure / rhythm :: we personally and also the whole (connected & global) society needs new rituals, structures, rules, borders, habits, routines to stay sane. The old ones are no longer suitable, so it's our task to create new ones. > Challenge the dominant ideology of borderless networks. > Physical exercise and nutrition. > Let go of fast :: best to let things go -- huge psychological effect. > Review your own attitude to performance. Review your life and work goals :: Why I don't respect my own borders? Why I don't respect myself? Which is my real motive to perform? Is it a good one? > Be conscious of inputs of all kinds: music, people, media usage (virtual, TV, radio), books, leisure activities. (Less is more.) > Enjoy all kind of nature experiences as often as possible / walk for hours in the nature. (Slow types of movement.)

As Paul Szymkowiak noted, "self-help" frameworks are sometimes at risk of becoming yet another thing we must do (part of the reason why I've never managed to establish a meditation routine), which entirely defeats their purpose. For me, it is more important to be aware of these things, apply them when they serve you, but don't work yourself up about it if they're not in your best interests. So that's what I plan to do. Although I've added a couple of my own:

> Read more. > Write more. > Do nothing more.

When all's said and done, a few things have become extremely clear to me this week.

1 > My experiences are not at all uncommon. Many very smart, very special people in my sphere are experiencing similar challenges. People I admire very much are also owning up to the fact that life isn't as rosy as they might like it to be. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that if you're not experiencing this on occasion, then you're not pushing yourself. But the key is to push yourself just the right amount so that you're reaching (rather than surpassing) your limits.

2 > I am extremely lucky. I am so fortunate to be in a position to pursue the things I love. I am supported by my nearest and dearest more than I could wish. I am given every opportunity to pursue my dreams. I have always known this, but this week has served as a handy reminder.

Thanks to my gorgeous friend Dani Sirotic for her support this week and for bringing my attention to the discussion started by David.

What should I be when I grow up?

I'm having a bit of a rough week this week.I won't go into all the reasons why, but safe to say they have made me feel like I'm failing on a few fronts.

On the whole, I love what I do. I'm passionate about the things I'm involved in. I love the people I collaborate with. BUT - I'm not good at the details. Like many of us who are self employed, I realise that most of the bad situations I find myself in are of my own creation. Seemingly small things like being lazy with invoicing, forgetting something, sending an email to the wrong person happen far to often to me. And as I'm on my own, these things seems much worse as there's no one there to trade stories with or to pick up the slack. There's no safety net.

Instead of getting caught up in the negative, one of my lovely friends, Dani, suggested I have a look at this strengths survey to reassess and remind myself of what I'm good at.

The things that were highlighted as key attributes are:

Love of learning You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.

Curiosity You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.
Creativity Thinking of new ways to do things is a crucial part of who you are. You are never content with doing something the conventional way if a better way is possible.

Leadership You excel at the tasks of leadership: encouraging a group to get things done and preserving harmony within the group by making everyone feel included. You do a good job organizing activities and seeing that they happen.

Perspective Although you may not think of yourself as wise, your friends hold this view of you. They value your perspective on matters and turn to you for advice. You have a way of looking at the world that makes sense to others and to yourself.

The following are particularly NOT TRUE of me:

Prudence You are a careful person, and your choices are consistently prudent ones. You do not say or do things that you might later regret.

Perseverance You work hard to finish what you start. No matter the project, you "get it out the door" in timely fashion. You do not get distracted when you work, and you take satisfaction in completing tasks.

Self-Regulation You self-consciously regulate what you feel and what you do. You are a disciplined person. You are in control of your appetites and your emotions, not vice versa.

None of this is particularly new to me. In fact, anyone who knows me will agree that this is dead on accurate.

I'm a big picture person, I love new ideas, challenging the status-quo, getting inside something big and finding out how it all works, and bringing people along for the ride. But I thrive on floods of inspiration, I'm impulsive and sometimes I lack discipline.

But what can I do with this information? Should I be changing how I structure my work? Should I be changing what I do? Should I change who I work with?

What careers are these attributes suited to? What styles of work or work environments should I be looking at? What kind of people would complement me?

Over to you.

The Elusive Balance

I read a post by the very lovely Kimberley Smith (aka @Miss_Kimberlina) over on her blog Dream.Delight.Inspire yesterday.Kim discussed balance and how to work toward it in your life. She suggested writing a list of the key elements in your life and rating how you feel about where you're at with each. I really like this idea, but for me it has its shortfalls.

Now, don't get me wrong. I really love Kim. I love her blog, I respect her views a great deal and I find her approach to life extremely inspiring. Plus she is a lovely girl.

But I've been thinking more about this. I have previously gone through the process that Kim outlined in her post, rating where I feel I'm at with each important area of my life. And I like doing this because I really like goal setting. I find the process really cathartic. I like planning, I like order, I like aiming for things - even if they're entirely unrealistic and even if I rarely stick to them. I find it absolutely delightful to sit and plot where I'm going.

The thing I realised though, is that what I'm striving for the most is control. And though control is a nice feeling I think there is a place for powerlessness too. There is value in losing control and having to ride the wave in order to regain control.

Being out of control can be a horrible feeling, but the reality is, sometimes we can't manage every element of our lives. Sometimes unexpected things happen, things that are completely beyond our power to change. And sometimes you need to let this happen and be ok with it. Sometimes you just need to go with the flow.

For me, there is no such thing as perfect balance. The pursuit of balance is entirely the point. But it is so important to remember that there will be moments (hours, days or months) when things are out of control. And that's ok too. It is these moment when you're completely beyond your comfort zone that you can learn a great deal about yourself, about others and about what you and the world are truly capable of.

Perhaps this next thought is a stretch but to build on this... I think the constant pursuit of control is perhaps symptomatic of the way our lives are now. The idea that we can completely determine the path of our lives by our own actions far preferable than conceding that there are sometimes thing beyond our control. In my mind, this is particularly effective for selling products, as marketers tell us that by taking action (ie, making a purchase) we can create for ourselves exactly the lives we want.

I love to think that this is the case - that what we achieve in life is directly related to our actions and our effort. To believe that life is what we make it. But this only goes so far. Sometimes circumstances interfere with our grand plans and lead us to new ones...

2011>2012

2011 was an interesting one. Equal parts challenging (and sometimes frustrating) as inspiring and fulfilling. I had some amazing experiences, and loved seeing my friends and family go from strength to strength in their own ventures.At the end of the year and the beginning of the next one, I think it is important to reflect on what I’ve achieved in the past 12 months, however large or small, and acknowledge how far I’ve come.

So in 2011 I’m celebrating:

Becoming engaged to the love of my life! Selling my first apartment. Losing 10 kgs. Buying Curracloe Holdings - a small farm with my fiance. Selling my car and buying my bike - I wish I’d done it years ago! Holding my first discussion event on sustainability in fashion at LMFF. Curating a 3 day seminar series at Fashion Exposed with the help of the TFIA. Forming and amicably dissolving a business partnership and learning plenty. Completing CSL and RMIT SEEDs fellowships. My first successful Melbourne Tweed Ride event. Getting to the bottom of my food allergies.

Like many others, at this time of year I also set my sights on the things I’m striving for in 2012. I do have a tendency to aim high, but I find even goals that seem to be out of reach give me something to aspire to and help focus my attention. For me, the most important part of goal setting is just as likely to be the process as the end point.

That said, in 2012 my goals are to:

Get married. Lose another 10 kgs. Formally launch Sustainable Fashion Australia in earnest. Run a marathon.

I’m also planning to:

Take on my new role as host of The Clothing Exchange in Melbourne. Grow the Melbourne Tweed Ride community. Renew my focus on Wardrobe Wonderland. Dedicate more time to thinking and writing. Launch some other projects I’ve been incubating for a while - news to come. Work out how to balance my work and study. Learn to keep my own accounts! Take on the first of several employees. Stop eating wheat. Write Thank You cards. Take classes in sewing, permaculture, guitar, photography and spanish.

So there you have it! Some ambitious - and not so ambitious - goals for 2012. I know I’m not the only one who feels there is some serious change on the horizon. Here’s hoping its a good one!

What are you planning for 2012?

Melbourne's Most Influential, Inspiring and Creative 2011

Almost this time last year I wrote a post about the most inspiring people I'd met throughout 2010. This was prompted by my feeling that the version published by The Age missed the mark and was not at all representative of the true calibre of people in our fair city.I'm pleased to say that in 2011 I was asked by a journalist friend of mine, Greg Foyster, (a contributor to The Age (melbourne) magazine) to nominate those people I felt to be some of the most amazing in Melbourne. Happily, the published list was overflowing with some pretty incredible people. The likes of Ehon Chan, Kate Kendall, Chantal Baxter, Juliette Anich, Zoe Condliffe, Anisha Bhoyoro, Nerida Lennon and Emma Grace have all made my year brighter and made it onto their final 100 list.

I couldn't resist the need to add a few extras that I've come across this year, either personally or professionally. Granted, this list is quite skewed to my own interests and my own circles but I feel these people are all worthy additions to the list of who's who of Melbourne.

Kate Luckins

Sustainable fashion academic and founder of The Clothing Exchange, Kate has been a valued mentor and an inspiration as I continue my work in the sector. I'm also super excited to see how her next venture - Project Otherwise - will evolve, and delighted share an office with her and to spend time with her gorgeous baby boy Jensen and husband Soren.

Samantha Hardman

A former banker, Samantha took a huge risk just over 12 months ago and left the corporate world to pursue her dream to run Bento - a clothing line concerned with quality, timelessness and local production. She creating beautiful garments in a manner that is environmentally and socially sustainable and giving us an insight into the fashion industry from a refreshingly honest perspective on the labels blog. (Her husband Charles, also an ex-banker, took a similar risk establishing 100th Gallery - a space for up and coming artists.)

Genna Campton

Melbourne-based illustrator Genna creates beautiful things. Using her mixed skills in design and her talent as an illustrator she has been featured in many a print magazine and has had her work pop up all over the place - including the Melbourne Tweed Ride logo. She is also one of the sweetest people I've spent time with this year.

Jan Stewart

As the host of Hub Melbourne, Jan has brought a beautiful feeling to a dynamic space. Her beautiful serenity, care for others and genuine interest in the members has been a welcome addition to one of my favourite places to work. She has also encouraged me to bring some much needed mindfulness into my life which she blogs about. This also very welcome and something I'll be working on in 2012.

David Seignor

I was fortunate to enjoy the boundless energy of Dave every week in his role as the Facilitator of the Centre for Sustainability Leadership Fellowship I completed this year. Also a passionate educator, creator and helps people think outside the square through his consultancy Play Think. He's been a great sounding board and a friendly ear through a challenging 2011.

Sheeple Liberator

I stumbled across an amazing blog on the internets this year. The mystery lady behind some of the most on the money articles I've read this year is insightful, sometimes controversial and not afraid to swim against the current. I'm yet to meet the man behind the mask but I love the approach and the content covered - so much so that it prompted a fan rant email! I really encourage you to have a look! http://sheepleliberator.wordpress.com/

Pip Carroll

Melbourne Bike Fest Director Pip is a one woman powerhouse. Driving many of the city's bike related events and greatly contributing to the growing cycling community, Pip was happy to team up with me and other members of the Tweed Trust to deliver a record breaking Melbourne Tweed Ride in 2011. Inclusive, generous, positive and inexhaustible, she has all the qualities she needs for 2012 when baby Carroll is due to arrive!

Sarah Rose

I met Sarah somewhat fortuitously through the maze of twitter. A qualified social worker and survivor of an unexpected severe illness, we connected instantly and I found conversations with her insightful and inspiring. So much so that I needed weekly catch ups with her! Having prototyped her services as a lifecoach on me she is amazing for holistic physical/mental health and has a great understanding of the need for mindfulness, a good work/life balance, and the importance of quality relationships in life. Plus she writes a great blog on these subjects and more. Check out http://innerbeam.blogspot.com/

Sarah Dingwall

Mornington Peninsula local Sarah is a photographer, glass artist and lover of beautiful things. I've regularly been lost on her blog for hours, entranced by all the stunning things she makes and comes across. So much so that she (along with Genna Campton) was at the top of my list of people to engage when I became engaged last month. Can't wait to have her beautiful handiwork surrounding us on our special day! Who has been the most inspiring person you've met this year? Who have I missed? What makes someone an inspiration to you?