Natural Habitat

I've been on safari in Rwanda, Kenya and Tanzania with my family the last little while, and it has been absolutely amazing to see the magnificent creatures of Africa in their natural habitat. We were lucky enough to have great guides with us to explain the social, predatory and sexual behaviours of all the different species and the biggest thing I learned from this is that they're so much like us. The way they interact, learn, look out for each other, the way they team up with other species for mutual benefit. The efficiencies, practicalities, and partnerships that eventuate when living in the wild are really quite amazing. Instinct is so clever!

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What I found even more amazing though, is seeing human beings in their natural habitat. (If that sounds like I've been observing people as though they're displays in a zoo I apologise - that's certainly not the way I intend it. I mean it with a huge amount of curiosity and respect.)

In Rwanda, we saw people farming the green rolling hills. Every single inch of fertile land was terraced and sown with irish potatoes, maize, and bananas. Goats were tied to trees to make the most of any available shoots of grass. Mud huts were just big enough for a family, with an outdoor kitchen and simple ventilation. The roads were bustling. Every hilly spiralling road was a hive of social activity, as people ferried produce and water up and down, back and forth on bikes or by foot. Kids were playing with friends, walking to and from school. People seem happy and healthy.

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In Kenya and Tanzania, the Maasai are pastoralists, walking their herds of cattle and goats across the flat dry land for the day and taking shelter under trees in the warmest part of the afternoon. They keep their cattle safe from predators or thieves overnight by housing them within their communal village boundaries, surrounded by houses and fences made of sticks and trees. They don't hunt the game on the reserves, but have a deep respect for their environment and the opportunities tourism can create for their communities. They are joyful - music and dance are a big part of life, colour and movement are everywhere.

The Maasai and the Rwandans reminded me that we need very little to thrive. We need good food, exercise, strong social connections, something to work towards and something to bring us joy. They also reminded me just how far we in the west have moved away from our natural state of being. I know I've written about this before, but I really believe we are not designed to be cubicle bound all day. We are not meant to be controlled by a series of screens in our daily lives. We are meant to use our bodies to challenge ourselves physically, to related to others on a personal level, to look after those we know and to work to find mutually beneficial outcomes in dealings with those we don't know so well, and to pursue meaning.

There is so much we can learn from indigenous cultures around the world and here in Australia. Lessons of shared history, simplicity, connection to place, resilience, working in symbiosis with our surroundings. Despite the misconception that we in the developed world are "more advanced" than these communities, they are millions of years ahead of us, especially when it comes to respecting the land, and each other, and focusing on the important things in life.

I heard a great definition of indigenous today: meaning "a product of their environment". In that sense, we're all indigenous, but all too often we're moulded by the environment we've created for ourselves and not the natural environment we live in. This trip reminded me of the capabilities we all possess to adapt to our surroundings, to find a good outcome - and really, to survive.

Also, here's a timelapse from Cam of our sunset over Ngorongoro Crater.

If you're planning a trip of your own, I recommend:

Check out what the awesome people at Intrepid Travel are doing. They have a huge variety of trips throughout Africa.

Ideally, go early in the migration season or you risk missing out on seeing the big herds in the Serengeti. If possible, avoid the national parks and spend time in the private conservancies where you can go off road and get up close and personal.

Also, keep enough cash on your for tips, visas, and any incidentals because ATMs are hard to come by.

Key spots:

Post-Election Feels

I've been in a really deep dark hole the last couple of days since the election result predictions that we'd long dreaded were revealed to be accurate. I guess they call this grief. I don't know how I didn't see it coming, but I'm really upset - to the extent that all the tools I'd usually use to lift my mood have lost their effect. Not only does no amount of crunchy, sweet, salty or deepfried food make me feel better, in fact I've completely lost my appetite - this has never happened to me before!!! The miraculous Melbourne sunshine is no longer as incredible as it was last week and the week before. And contrary to Tony's Magic Consumer Confidence Fairy theory I don't want to buy stuff - although I think his theory was based more on positive feelings than mass depression.

But being a habitual over-thinker, I truly believe I can pull myself out of this by working my way through all my feelings in a rational, logical way. So here goes:

Why I'm upset:

  • I'm delighted that Adam Bandt has retained his seat of Melbourne and that he's my elected representative. I'm really proud of Melbourne for displaying the requisite level of compassion and long term thinking expected of human beings. But the fact that Adam is the only Greens Member nationally has reminded me that I live in a bubble of social consciousness, and the people I work with, trade ideas and stories with, and generally have ongoing contact with are the exception, not the rule in this country. You only need look at the craziness that's happening in Queensland and New South Wales to see that Melbourne is a progressive island paradise in a sea of selfishness and greed. The fact that we voted the Coalition into power fills me with such a sense of despair at what Australians think is important. Then again, perhaps I'm not giving everyone enough credit - perhaps it is actually a reaction to Rudd's PNG Policy.

  • The Coalition's 3 big policies are complete bullshit in my opinion. Here's why:
  1. The economy is already great. We're in an incredibly fortunate position, we're affluent and comfortable - especially when you compare where many other developed countries are. The Coalition are petrified of debt, even though now is a super cheap time to get your hands on some, and spend it on much needed long term infrastructure upgrades for things like public transport NOT roads. If the debt is really as big a deal as they've made it out to be all election campaign, brace yourself for some serious austerity measures.
  2. The boats are not scary and neither are asylum seekers - but Abbott has reduced the complexity of the global political climate, and all of our border security and international policy issues to a three word slogan, turning Australia into a hateful, racist, elitist place to be. I'm worried about where policy on migration and refugees is going to go. I feel pretty confident that it won't be to a place of more compassion and opportunity for the persecuted and marginalised.
  3. Continuing to ignore our over-reliance on mining is the surest way to kill our economic future. In my opinion, the good fortune that we're well endowed with natural resources other countries want to burn, should benefit all of us collectively, not line the pockets of a few. Scrapping the Carbon Tax and removing the Mining Tax - the only other mechanism for this money to be reinvested (in, like, I don't know, renewable energy, education and research, for example) seems incredibly short sighted. We're resting on our laurels and ignore the realities of our changing climate and the changed global economy. China won't want our coal forever, they've got their own pollution apocalypse to deal with.
  • With some of the senate results coming through it is absolutely undeniable to me that the political system in Australia is fundamentally broken. Collectively, we're frustrated and disenchanted with the major parties, but the minor parties have only a small amount of influence, and. And while I we're extremely affluent, we're convinced we're all hard done by, and consequentially we're not making any kind of progress toward lasting prosperity for our country. And while we're talking about a working democracy, it seems we've forgotten an unbiased media is an essential ingredient. As long as Australian media ownership looks like it does currently, we'll never have true democratic process.

  • The Coalition have become great at being in opposition - assisted by Rudd and his ego. But I'm not convinced they'll actually be any good at governing. Beyond their slogans and their dot point plans, it all just feels so shortsighted.

  • With the glaring exception of the extremely biased Murdoch press, it seems almost everyone else thinks it is a bad idea for the Coalition to be leading this country. The party were petrified Abbott would screw their chances, avoiding any opportunity for him to put his foot in his mouth throughout the entire campaign. When the success of their campaign is contingent on how well he kept his mouth shut, we know we're in a bit of bother. He didn't reveal costings for any of his policies until mere days prior to the election, and evidently no-one was bothered and voted for him anyway.

  • I don't know what I can do to fix it - I feel powerless. I know that the stuff we're doing at the Centre for Sustainability Leadership is really important. But at times like these I'm reminded that we're just scratching the surface. I wrote previously about finding the most powerful levers to access - and I had thought that politics/policy change was one of them. I think now is the time to be focusing on others.

  • I'm kicking myself that I didn't post all this before the election. What good is it for me to be whinging now that it's all over? But I guess I naively thought that things would come out in the wash, that results would not be as bad as they were predicted to be, and common sense would prevail. That didn't quite work out.

Cheer Up Buttercup:

  • Maybe this result will be for the better. The wonderful Andrew P Street wrote a series of great content in the lead up to the fateful day over on The Vine. And in his post on Thursday he wrote about the positive side of Australia electing it's own George W Bush. "...if you like things like education, healthcare, environmental protection, workers rights, refugee rights, gender equality or any of that kind of thing, you’re going be getting angrier and angrier. And that’s what’s good. That’s what we need."According to Mr Street, this result could be just the thing we need for the political Left to get its shit together and actually build a credible alternative to the dominant Right. Plus, it wasn't such a whitewash that the Coalition can get away with blatantly raping the country, we hope. The cynical side of me thinks that it could also be just the extra taste of power the Coalition need to start killing each other off, as we've witnessed with the Labor Party for the last 6 years.

  • In the eloquent words of Craig Eloranta, "Elections are just there to give the illusion of choice and change. The 'machine' will just keep chugging along as normal." Maybe he's right. Maybe nothing will really change. With this resounding defeat, I've realised that we can't rely on the political system to change things for us - we need to be responsible for the change we want. Maybe the traditional political system isn't the best way for change anyway. There is plenty that can be done while our tired, broken old political system tries to figure out how to fix itself.

  • At least I live in Melbourne, where people actually have some humanity and a little bit of foresight. Plus, there's a whole world out there that does not care at all about Australia - we're a blip on the radar for the rest of the world. The rest of the world is dealing with much bigger issues. And that's where I'll be turning my attention when it comes to making a difference.

  • At this point, it looks like Tony's daughters are all virgins so we don't have any more of his descendants on the way. (That was a low blow, I don't like bringing them into it - so why the hell did he?)

Turn that frown upside down:

If you're down in the doldrums like me, I've crowd sourced (ie, asked facebook) a few ways for you to lift your spirits. As always, listening to music makes me feel better. So I made myself a playlist. Paramore's Still Into You is my favourite right now - it must be all the dancing around with a parasol. Hayley Williams almost has me convinced I should give myself a neon two-tone dye job, but for now I'm just settling for bright pink lippy. It helps, believe me!

Watching videos of baby goats also helps. So do cat photos. And Amy Poehler. Also, yoga and meditation. I haven't mastered it yet, but I'm working on it.

Also, another gem and shift in perspective from Craig Eloranta,

"I think all you can do is choose to take it for what it is and go about your days doing the things you love. Just got to take in all the amazing stuff this planet has to offer. Look at life on a micro level once in a while. Influence and effect what is directly around you. That’s where you can actually make change (and with a bit of luck that change will filter out and reach a wider audience). If you come out of it with a smile on your face then you win. If you let all the political nonsense get to you… it will eat you up."

So with that in mind, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. Do it better, and remember to take plenty of time to stop and smell the roses. Because while all this mess is happening in Canberra, there are a whole heap of people out there doing great things and creating change, without waiting for it to come from the top. And as Craig says, maybe this stuff will filter out and influence those folks up there.

Thanks my friends who responded to my despondent facebook post this morning. You've restored my will to live.

Talk to me. Tell me how you feel.

Unexpected Guru

A video post featuring Tim Minchin kept popping up in my Facebook feed today. You know, this guy:

Not being much of a fan of stand-up comedy myself, I didn't know much about him, and I'd assumed he was kind of Australia's answer to Russell Brand (which is not necessarily a bad thing, at all).

This short video was an entirely unexpected surprise. In between musing on the critical importance of the Arts and Sciences together to communicate scientific knowledge despite the "recent, stupid and damaging idea" that the two areas are opposed, Tim taught me 10 life lessons, which I've paraphrased for you below:

1. You don't have to have a dream. It's very American talent show. If you don't, try micro-ambition - passionate dedication to the pursuit of short term goals. And keep your eye out for the next thing to capture your attention...

2. Don't seek happiness. Keep busy and try to make someone else happy and you might find you get some as a side-effect.

3. Life is all luck. Understanding that you can't truly take credit for your success nor truly blame others for your failures will humble you and make you more compassionate.

4. Exercise. Your long, luxurious life is going to make you depressed but there is an inverse correlation between depression and exercise.

5. Be hard on your opinions. Be intellectually rigorous. Identify your biases, your prejudices and your privileges. Most of society's arguments are kept alive by a failure to acknlowledge nuance.

6. Be a teacher. Even if you're not a teacher, be a teacher. Share your ideas. Don't take for granted your education. Rejoice in what you learn.

7. Define yourself by what you LOVE. Be demonstrative and generous in your praise of those you admire. Be PRO stuff, not just ANTI stuff.

8. Respect people with less power than you.

9. Don't rush. Don't panic if you don't know what you want to do with the rest of your life. There is only one sensible thing to do with this empty existence - FILL IT! Life is best filled by learning as much as you can about as much as you can, taking pride in whatever you're doing, having compassion, sharing ideas, running, being enthusiastic. (And love, travel, wine, sex, art, kids, giving, mountain climbing...)

10. This one doesn't come from Mr Minchin, but from me. Absorb inspiration and wisdom from all possible sources, because you can learn something from every single person in the world, even a musical comedian with crazy hair from Perth.

The awesome thing about this, is at the ripe old age of 27 (for another few days at least) I reckon these would be exactly my handy hints for life too. Glad someone else has gone and put them out there for me, and in a much more clearly and simply articulated way. Now to go and live by this advice...

Watch the full video here:

Hope For Us Yet

Just when things were getting the better of me and I was starting to think my belief that things will work out for the best was unreasonably optimistic, this past week has restored my faith. After the election result a few weeks ago I was in a vastly different place, but things have turned around for me in a big way.

I spent most of the week in the Yarra Valley with 50 of the most inspired and inspiring emerging leaders you could ever hope to fit in one room, each of whom is passionate and driven to make the world a better place. This incredible meeting of the minds was all thanks to the Centre for Sustainability Leadership, who hosts this week-long Retreat as part of their annual Fellowship Program.

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(In the interests of full disclosure, I need to remind you that I am employed by CSL, and I am absolutely biased because I think what they/we do is amazing. I completed their Fellowship Program in 2011.)

Having attended the Retreat as a Fellow in 2011, and also last year as a Speaker, I had a fair idea what to expect at this year's retreat. But again, I was blown away by the energy, commitment and steadfast belief in the possiblities. Every year, the people in the room think big, learn key skills, and start to understand what can be achieved when we tap into the the power of cross-sector collaboration. Seriously awesome stuff.

While all this was happening in the Yarra Valley, some amazing things were happening on a broader scale too. My friend Cameron Neil started a conversation about crowdfunding an independent replacement to the Climate Commission that had been axed days earlier by Tony Abbott, prompting a wave of public support. Fast forward 1 week, and The Climate Council has been set up thanks to a huge ground swell of public support, and had collected over $550,000 in donations and 55,500 Facebook followers in less than 5 days. For the record, it is now up to $800,000 + and 63,000 or so Facebook followers, and counting. If you care about unbiased science-based information being made available to the Australian public and you haven't donated already, I suggest you do.

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For me, the fact that both of these things have happened right now, just as the IPCC release their report reiterating the certainty and magnitude of the issues we're facing, is a welcome relief. It is a reminder that great things can be done by individuals, and even greater things can be achieved when we come together as a collective.

So, go forth and do good stuff.

A Big Life

I've had three interesting women remind me of a very important lesson recently - one very young, and one entirely imaginary but oddly vivid, and one a cartoon version of me.

The first was Tavi Gevinson, the 17 year old wunderkind who was recently in Australia for a session at the Sydney Opera House entitled Tavi's Big Big World* (*at 17). (You can watch her full presentation here. You can also see her Melbourne Writers Festival Talk here.)

Like most of the adult women in the room, I was quite blown away by this incredibly clever girl on the cusp on womanhood. She stated quite plainly how much more satisfying it is to be a creator/curator/observer when you’re free to enjoy the process, rather than worrying about conventional ideas of success (money, fame, power), and how to free yourself from the expectations of yourself or others. She also touched on how important it is to be completely unapologetic about what you like, to love what you love free from irony or the need for an affirmation of "cool" from someone else.

Tavi talked about the idealism of inexperience, and the power of naivety. She recognises that reality will rarely live up to the fantasy, but it is important not to dwell on this, and to enjoy the daydreaming anyway. For me, it was a welcome reminder to appreciate our ability to daydream for the pleasure it brings, and to have the courage to pursue your dreams, even if you know they’re unlikely to be as wonderful as you hoped they might be.

Far from blissfully innocent and unrealistically idealistic, Tavi also spoke about the challenges of acute awareness of self and your place in the world, and her struggles with mental illness, acknowledging that having a vivid imagination, an inclination toward over analysis, and a willingness to indulge both does have a downside.

These lessons were reaffirmed by Nora - the central protagonist in Claire Messud's The Woman Upstairs, whose existence sits in stark contrast to the unbridled enthusiasm of Tavi.She's a nice, well mannered primary school teacher - good at her job and relatively happy with her life and her circle of friends. She nurses her beloved mother through a terminal illness and then cares for her widower father. She does all the right things and works hard to please everyone around her, but at the same time, she is frustrated, resentful and lonely.

Nora is looking for someone to blame for the fact that she hasn't followed through with her early creative potential and dreams of living a passionate, colourful life. She didn't follow the traditional life path and get married and have kids, and seems to resent the fact that her gay best friend has unexpectedly found a partner and raised a child. She's partially straddling both ideals, and achieving neither, reacting to the advice and expectations of her mother - her childhood almost-feminist role model and herself a repressed creative - and the actions of her conservative, dependable father. She finds herself falling in love with three members of the same family - the 8 year old boy finding himself, the emerging artist mother, and the established academic father - each of whom remind her to be an active participant in her own life, rather than passively accepting and conforming to the expectations of others.

(Jennifer Byrne and the team from The Book Club looked at The Woman Upstairs last month. Watch their discussion here.)

The third woman I've been intrigued by is Lucy the GYPSY (Gen Y Protagonist and Special Yuppy), literally a cartoon created to illustrate my own demographic as outlined in the Wait But Why article on the Huffington Post recently. (Read the article here.) The article outlines exactly why Gen Ys have wildly inflated ambitions, an overblown sense of entitlement and an absolute belief that they are "special". Nails it.

As a typical Gen Y - or GYPSY - I've been fascinated (ok, obsessed) by the idea of living "a big life", versus what I call "a safe life" and for me, each of these women - real and imaginary - reinforced the eternal challenge of living your life authentically, and living your life at scale, perfectly illustrating all sides of the story.

What strikes me about Tavi is that she's been allowed (and encouraged) to pursue her passions, rather than compromising for the sake of meeting expectations. Nora’s life has been a series of compromises, shrinking her creative ambitions until they’re literally in miniature, just like her small scale diorama works of art.

Why I think Tavi is incredible, is she's interested in how and why the things she likes are specific to her - her thoughts, her feelings, her experiences. The remarkable thing about her is that her inner world has been documented, catalogued, and published online for the whole world to see. She journals obsessively, ordering her thoughts experiences, observations and creative impulses, and she remarked at one point that she is at her happiest when she can forget what she looks like and just be a pair of eyes observing the world around her. Thanks to the internet, her internal world has been scaled, and is now writ large for the world to see. Nora’s world is turned in upon itself until even she is ashamed of it.

To me, a big life is about conviction rather than compromise. It is about accumulating experiences and insights rather than "stuff". It is understanding yourself, your place in the world and others around you as best you can. It is stretching norms or flat out going against them. At the same time, I recognise that for most of us there is a great deal of comfort and ease in walking the well trodden path. And in reality, the norm is the norm for a reason, and it has to do with simplicity, a lack of friction and our human desire to live life free of tension.

As far as I'm concerned, the easy option is almost never the best one. Always taking the easy option is not what sees us uncovering something significant, travelling to far flung places, meeting the most interesting people, or achieving something remarkable. Taking the easy road may be better for the bank balance, look better on the resumé and feel much more comfortable - in the short term at least - but it feels to me like it is deliberately ignoring our vast human potential to learn, innovate, change and feel something really wonderful. Sure it may be risky, but as any gambler knows, the greatest risks hold the greatest potential rewards.

For the first 5 or so minutes of Tavi's talk, I felt regret that I wasn't so wonderful at 17. But perhaps I was. Perhaps we are all so wonderful in our own way before we've learned not to be, before we learned to scale down our dreams and settle for safe. So there's the challenge - to ignore the people following the safe route when they tell you what kind of wonderful you should be, and how you should define success in your life.

For me, no one articulates it quite like Kafka does:

Wait But Why offer their own advice:

  1. Stay wildly ambitious.
  2. Stop thinking you're special.
  3. Ignore everyone else.

I'm onboard with 1 and 3, but I would qualify 2 by saying "define your own version of special". Remind yourself that you're unique, but you're not better than anyone else. Your perspectives and experiences are wonderful. You're a whole ecosystem of your own and living a big life is all about exploring what your capabilities could create with courage and hardwork, regardless of whether or not it makes you "successful" on someone else's terms.

Here's to living a big life - to staying naively passionate, and to filling our lives with as much colour, conviction and insight as we can fit in to one existence. Here's to living a life free of regret, resentment and the expectations of others.

What do you do to stretch yourself, stay brave and live a big life?

The Search for Meaning

The past few weeks have been a really insightful period for me. Since my Adrenal Fatigue diagnosis, I've really been questioning why I've been pushing myself so hard, what I'm ultimately trying to achieve, what I'm stressing about - you know, the standard pop-philosophy "what does it all mean" stuff you do in your twenties. Through a series of surprising conversations with my naturopath, my kinesiologist and my colleague and friend Dave, I've been having insight after insight, some of which has crystallised for me today when I came across this posted on someone's Facebook wall. (Ah, Facebook. Channel of such great insights.)

Perhaps I'm a bit behind the curve here, but I realised today that what this image tells us is entirely right. Because we exist without any inherent sense of meaning or purpose, we spend our entire lives trying to realise or create one. It makes me so sad that in our modern world, purpose is so often misconstrued as making as much money as possible, or feeling as though you can save the world, or receiving the adoration and adulation of thousands that don't really know you. Fame, comfort, money and power are all just substitutes for a lack of meaning.

The very clever Tullia Jack had posted on her blog a while back these very wise words:

‘Them’ is an illusion. There is only ‘Us’. The more strangers you meet, the more you know this to be true.

What I realised upon reading this, is that in the absence of any inherent purpose or meaning in life, our purpose is to make this lack of purpose easier for every other being that exists alongside us - to help them be ok with the fact that their life doesn't have a guiding purpose, and that it never will. We're all in this purposeless life together, and with that fact comes huge amounts of anxiety and uncertainty. But if we know that each and every single person in the world is similarly struggling to come to terms with this it becomes far easier to understand ourselves and be at ease with life, and to know how to relate to others.

For the past little while, this search for meaning has been the source of a great deal of unease for me. But all of a sudden, rather than this knowledge depressing and unsettling me, it gives me more freedom to figure out what I should be doing with my life - to create a sense of meaning in the everyday. And so far I've worked out:

  • Be kind to everyone - like you, every single person is struggling to realise that there is no greater meaning to our being here, and trying to create their own purpose.
  • We're all in this together. If we don't get that winning at the expense of others is actually losing, then we're not a very enlightened species at all, and none of us will ever be truly happy.
  • Take pleasure in the happiness of other people. Try to make things easier for every person you come into contact with, and every person you don't ever see with your own eyes.
  • Nothing is more important than the everyday. Each moment is as important as the next, so be happy as much as you can, especially if your being happy is making others happy.

(An aside: Becoming Minimalist is the credit for the image, and I really recommend it as a great blog for exploring some of these themes, far beyond "minimalism" as it relates to physical possessions and into our place in the world, our collective purpose and the meaning of life.)

Fashion and the Future

I've had this half-written post sitting in my drafts for sometime now, and I wasn't quite sure how to conclude it. Most of you who read this won't care, but I feel that I need to explain what is amounting to a quite substantial change in my professional trajectory, and I need to outline the reasons for my new direction to those I've worked with for the last few years. So, here they are.

Four years ago, when I took my first ever job in the fashion industry as a brand PR coordinator, it was a harsh wake up call and counts as the most upsetting 10 weeks of my life. I learned pretty quickly that the industry was not as beautiful as it appears on the outside, and I thought for a while that it wasn't the industry I wanted to be involved in.

But rather than walking away from it, I threw myself into galvanising the people who are working to create a beautiful industry - the kind of industry I want to see. In the four years since, I accidentally built myself a reputation as someone who knows things about sustainability in the fashion sector. Thanks to a great many conversations over the past few years, I know that there is an immense amount of good intentions, clever thinking and passion in our local industry.

But the longer I spend absorbing the magnitude of the issues present in the fashion industry (and they are enormous), the more I am convinced that these issues are just a symptom of a broader broken system.

Now I know better than most that there are amazing opportunities afforded to emerging economies by fashion and textile production. Many developed economies have grown off the back of fashion manufacturing. The industry employs and feeds millions - from cotton farmers, to garment makers, to the innovative designers working here in Melbourne. But the percentage of fashion companies actually facilitating the kind of economic development I like to encourage are so few that I have find myself in such a state of anxiety whenever I'm faced with the task of making a purchase decision.

With this isn mind, I'm going to be stepping away from the industry I've invested a huge amount of energy into in recent years. Below are the reasons for my decision.

Reason #1: I feel that encouraging fashion lovers to adjust their consumption habits so that they preference "ethical purchases" rather than fast fashion completely ignores some very deep seated systemic issues. It allows us to leave our habits of consumption, patterns of global inequality and resource exploitation almost completely unexamined, because we're told our shopping is actually doing more harm than good. This may be the case, but I'm unconvinced.

Reason #2: Anyone working in the local industry knows that it is facing a really challenging period at the moment. I think that if it does survive it will look vastly different, but there is a very real change it won't survive. There have been political issues caused by fundamental differences in values and opinion and it feels to me that it is creating an even more challenging scenario if real change is to be realised.

Reason #3. In the early days of developing Sustainable Fashion Australia, I thought it would take someone like me to set the agenda. I've realised though, that it isn't enough for me and a handful of other passionate individuals to be campaigning for change. For real change to happen, there needs to be large scale buy-in from industry and consumers - and that would take a lot more of me than actually exist at the moment.

Reason #4. I have run out of energy. I've written about my health here previously, and that is one side of things. But the reality is that what I've done in the last 4 years has also been financially and emotionally draining. I really believe that large scale change will only happen if many become partially emotionally invested, allowing a great number of people to give a little, rather than change relying on the absolute commitment of a very few. I've given what I can, and unfortunately I don't have the skills or the capacity right now to take it the full extent I would have liked to, but for now it is up to others to take it from here.

Reason #5. I am a systems thinker, and as such, I know that the problems with our industry are founded in some pretty serious problems outside our industry, and also that there are more powerful leverage points to be accessed. My interests have shifted to media, policy, economics - I want to understand these as best I can and work to create changes from higher up. Hopefully, this will make the changes easier to realise for those within our industry.

So I am taking a big side step but, I'm not stepping away entirely. I'll be lecturing in Ethical Business at Melbourne School of Fashion and finishing off a few specific contracts in the sector, but for the most part, I'm going to be focusing on my work at the Centre for Sustainability Leadership, finishing my Masters (and maybe starting a new one), restoring my health, and writing. I really hope that the things we've started will go from strength to strength, and that the community and it's goals will continue to move forward. I will observe with great optimism.

The recent tragic events in Bangladesh have shone the media spotlight on something that most of us have been incomplete denial of for far too long, but that those of us in the industry are far to aware of. This isn't new - it is a far too common occurence. What is new is that the media seem to care about it. The response from consumers and industry has been interesting to say the least, and I'm hopeful that it is a turning point for global change.

Happy New Year

My friend Cheryl Lin over at Business Chic inspired me to follow her lead in setting some goals/rituals for the New Financial Year.  (Read her post here.) I always appreciate a clean slate, and I'm using this one to recalibrate and remind myself of where I'd like to be at the end of the year.

Goals

Academic - Finish my Masters

My first masters has been ridiculously drawn out, and I'm pretty keen to get it done and dusted. Four finance subjects this semester will be a big test and a huge intellectual challenge, but I'm really looking forward to it.

Health - Lose 10 kgs

I'm pretty sure I've had this goal every six months for the last five or so years (since the beginning of my Adrenal Fatigue issues). This is obviously part of a broader issue, but it is a big indicator for my health in general and I'd like to get it under control.

Money - Save $5000

I'm planning some serious travel next year and need to get some cash in the bank. I'm hoping that these travel goals will help me make some changes small and large, and knuckle down and do some savings.

Work - Make a plan

My work goals have shifted somewhat in the last few months, and I'd really like to develop a clear action plan for where I'm headed in the next 5 - 10 years. I'll get some coaching, and engage in some consultation to get this sorted out.

Personal -  Recover from AF

Easier said that done, but this is front of mind for me, because it will either prevent or permit me meeting future goals. This takes gentleness, self love and a softly softly approach. It also takes planning on being proactive.

So how will I achieve this? Well, they say success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out, so something simple for each area that you can check in on makes sense to me.

Rituals

Academic -  Read everyday

In the last little while I've been a little lax in actually reading - and I've accumulated quite a bank of content waiting for me. I really believe you learn so much by reading, and no amount of documentary watching or podcast listening can replace it. Fiction, non-fiction, academic, personal, professional, amateur - more of all of it please.

Health - Move everyday

I'm far too likely to baton down the hatches when the cold weather hits, but I've started a new morning routine today - which I'll no doubt write about - and it means I have no excuses for getting up and moving first thing in the morning.

Money - Track everything

In the past I've been willingly ignorant of just where I've been spending my dollars. I'm on the hunt for a good app for tracking spending and maintaining a budget, but in the meantime I'll be writing everything in my trusty notebook, the old fashioned way.

Work - Write everyday

Also part of my new morning ritual is an hour of writing each morning, so be prepared for more entries here. I was reminded this week that writing is a practice, and a regular habit is the only thing guaranteed to improve it.

Personal - Engage the professionals

Like Cheryl, I've realised I can only do so much on my own and I'm working with a few excellent folk to proactively deal with my AF - including a naturopath, a great holistic GP, and a kinesologist. I'm also going to include occasional massages, maybe even acupuncture and a psychologist. I'm allotting myself 1 hour a week to focus solely on having someone else help make me well.

So there you have it. What's on your hit list for the second part of 2013? How often do you set goals and how closely do you stick to them? 

High School Reunion

On Saturday night, I experienced another adulthood rite of passage, attending my 10 year high school reunion.

Perhaps I'm an anomaly in that my memories of high school are overwhelmingly positive. (Granted, my opinion of the school itself has changed somewhat in the years since.) I had great friends, I did well academically, and I enthusiastically embraced the school's extra-curricular program - if only to get myself out of a few days of school. When I left, Girton Grammar was still quite a small independent school - even with students from all across Regional Victoria, our graduating year 12 class had only 80 students. We were quite close, and despite tight friendship groups within the year level there was almost no-one in I felt I couldn't have a conversation with. As tends to happen in country schools, weekend parties were attended by almost everyone in the year, as well as the year levels above and below, and everyone at the school knew everyone else.

In the ten years since I finished VCE, I've maintained close friendships with a handful of people from school. About half of our graduating class started their tertiary career at The University of Melbourne, so it was almost impossible to walk through the campus without running into someone from home - and from time to time I found this uncomfortable and unwelcome.

Since then though, many of the relationships I formed at school are not as strong as they once were. And how could they be? You make new friends, you get slack, you lose touch... Your plans change, and sometimes moving away from the people you knew helps to get you to where you think you want to go. Thanks to whispers heard second- and third-hand through intersecting social circles, Facebook, and family connections, I had a vague inkling that most of us were still alive, still growing, and still seeing others from our year level.

With this in mind, I was surprised to realise that even ten years later, having not seen quite a few Old Girtonians since graduation, the shared experience of high school is such a strong bond. 

Existing alongside these people at this critical point of our lives, when our fledgling adult identities were just beginning to emerge, creates a strange feeling of familiarity - an intangible sense of knowing - even among those I'd always counted as acquaintances rather than friends. Having seen each other almost daily for a six year period accounts for many a shared memory, and reliving some of these memories brought on a sense of belonging I've rarely experienced in the ten years since.

This feeling was quite unexpected, because when I've visited Bendigo in the years since school, I've felt surprisingly little attachment to the place I called home for most of my childhood. I realise now that my attachment isn't to the places, but the people.

Against my instincts, but at the insistence of my best high school friend, I brought along my husband for the night and I felt like he was getting a crash-course in the formation of Lara. It was almost a relief to have him meet and speak to people who knew me long before he did, like things have become clear to him all of a sudden. And perhaps I make a little more sense... (Although I doubt it.)

Since Saturday night, inevitably, the nostalgia has settled in. I still feel disappointed in myself that I didn't maintain close friendships with the people who knew me best, before I even knew myself. But at the same time, I know those friendships will always be there, because the great thing about high school is that you can never forget it, no matter how much you might like to. 

What Burn Out Feels Like

I wrote in a post late last year that I learned in 2012 that burn out is a real thing. (Read it here.)

Not so long ago, I learned that it has a name too. Hypoadrenia. Also known as Adrenal Fatigue, or sometimes Adrenal Exhaustion. And I learned this the hard way, as my doctor was talking about me when she started throwing big words around.

And what, pray tell, does all that mean then? Well, it means that I finally have a reason for the delightful array of symptoms I've been experiencing over the last 6 or so years. Things like:

  • continued fatigue or exhaustion,
  • muscle weakness,
  • sleep disturbance,
  • decreased ability to handle stress, 
  • hypertension,
  • hypoglycaemia,  
  • unusual food cravings,
  • weight gain and inability to lose weight, 
  • oestrogen/progesterone imbalance,
  • chronic anaemia,
  • gut irritation causing digestive issues and food allergies.
  • trouble sleeping,
  • trouble getting out of bed,
  • depression and/or anxiety. 

If only it stopped there. I'm only just getting my head around the magnitude of the flow on effects, all of which have their own charming symptoms. One or two of these issues would be challenging enough, and I'm dealing with a whole list. The sum of it is that I've felt pretty ordinary, all the time, for a long time, but up until this point I couldn't quite put my finger on what was going on. I've seen no less than 7 professionals to try and solve the raft of issues I've been dealing with over a period of 6 years. I've been incorrectly diagnosed with depression and anxiety and medicated, taken more bad tasting pills that one person should, been told there's nothing wrong with me, and spent a lot of money.

And believe me, I thought it was all in my head.  It took some digging to find a progressive doctor who could look at the whole picture and work holistically to get to the bottom of it all. My experiences over the last 6 years made me determined to find someone who would be prepared to treat the problem - not just prescribe a pill to fix the symptoms - and wasn't that a challenge! 

So how does this all happen? What causes your adrenal system to go into meltdown?

The short answer is, stress. And as someone who was once described in her teens as "so laid back she's almost comatose" - thanks mum - it is almost unimaginable for me that I'd eventually end up really struggling with chronic stress.

In my case, apparently, things were set in motion in my early twenties when I was faced with a personal trauma that demanded a level of emotional maturity that I was simply unequipped to handle. And instead of dealing with the trauma then and there, I busied myself with finishing uni, getting (several) jobs, starting a Masters (or two), buying houses, starting businesses... You know, life in your twenties.

Unfortunately for me, it looks like the unresolved stress of the original trauma meant my tolerance for new stress was already greatly reduced. This, combined with too-big ambitions and expectations (my own) and an uninformed willingness to subscribe to "the cult of busy" led to chronically elevated stress hormone levels (cortisol), which gradually corroded my body's ability to regulate adrenal and other hormones and started greatly affecting my ability to function, let alone thrive. When my adrenal system could no longer deal with the pressure it started to give way, disrupting my body's whole eco-system in the process.

Prognosis is good though. My body will eventually get back to functioning normally, but recovering from Hypoadrenia takes a long time - beyond two years for chronic cases. I'm still having tests to gauge the severity of my case. There's no quick fix - treatment is pretty much a slow process of really focusing on healthy living - all that stuff they tell us to do, but we mostly ignore. Changing my diet to level out blood sugar, getting lots of sleep, more yoga and meditation rather than high intensity/high stress exercise, much more time in nature... So far so good. But the biggest challenge is eliminating stressors that may be adding to the problem.  

It seems GPs rarely look at stress as a contributor to illness, in spite of widespread evidence that it is starting to have some major impacts. We know lifestyle issues are increasingly contributing to huge levels of chronic illness, but for the most part stress has been ignored while poor diets and sedentary lifestyles are copping most of the blame. 

Despite this, I'd venture a guess that the majority of my high-achieving friends are experiencing some (if not ALL) of the symptoms of prolonged elevated stress levels. According to my doctor, the long term effects used to be called a nervous breakdown - hardly a medical diagnosis, but surely something we want to avoid!

I guess what I'm interested in is how did we get ourselves into this mess in the first place? Why, if stress can have such dramatic effects on our bodies, do we subject ourselves to it? No doubt I'll deal with that in many posts to come. 

In the meantime, I'd love to hear from anyone dealing with similar issues, any cynics, or anyone who'd like to give their opinion really. I just ask that you play nice.

Here come the comments... 

Maiden

My very clever friend Sandi Sieger was tweeting recently about the kinds of comments she gets about the fact that she changed her name when she got married. I totally respect her opinion and her decision, but I thought perhaps I could write a piece explaining why I didn't change mine.

My husband was disappointed to know that I wasn't going to change my name. According to him I'm "smiting" his family. I think (I hope) this is only said in jest. I'm sure if he had a serious issue and just simply couldn't understand my reasons, this would be a whole different piece and it might titled something like "Why I didn't get married".

I should start by saying that for whatever reason I quite like the tradition of taking your partners name. I think it shows solidarity of some kind. I don't know that I agree with it always being the man's name because I think that's a symptom of an outdated and unfair system, although I don't know how keen I am on someone taking my surname either...

Anywho..

Firstly, I like my name. Seeing as I quite like my name I thought it would be nice to hold onto it.

Secondly, I'm one of three girls, and my husband is one of four boys, there are plenty of them around and I have no doubt there will continue to be. I'd like to stick up for the McPhersons (although they're hardly a dying breed) by holding onto a name that is on its way out in my family!

Thirdly, potential confusion with sisters-in-law could be a problem. So far there is already a Laura Goonan. Oddly enough the other Goonan ladies are an Emma Goonan and an Amy - aka Ems and Ames. Tricky. I'll be intrigued to what happens when the final Goonan Wedding  takes place...

Penultimately, as silly as it sounds, there is a brand and a reputation attached to my name. People know me as Lara McPherson. And the mechanics of changing @laramcpherson and laramcpherson.com and all the other place my name lives in its original format to something else wore my brain out.

Finally and fundamentally, I find the idea of a maiden name problematic. Its not like I've been just existing in beta for 27 years, waiting for some man to come along so that I could scrap my temporary surname (the name of my father) and take up the surname of the man who would determine my identity for the remainder of my life. I've already existed as a fully fledged real life person for a long time, and I don't like the idea of abandoning that part of my identity as if it never existed. The idea of everyone I've known up to this point now knowing me as something different forever more seems odd to me.

Ok, over to you ladies and gents. To change, or not to change? Why or why not?

Do What You LOVE

Prompted by a post by Samantha Bell on The Global Economy and following on from my Voxself post, I thought I'd put some intersecting thoughts down on virtual paper.

In present day Australia, and particularly in Melbourne, we're incredibly fortunate to live in a place and time where we enjoy far more freedom and opportunity than almost all who have come before us. We're affluent, we're upwardly mobile, we're educated and we're connected. 

tulip.jpeg

Thanks to a vast array of self-publishing options available to us - many of which you can see I'm making full use of by the number of blue icons in the right hand corner - we can share our opinions with the kinds of audiences that would have been unfathomable not so many years ago. 

I've been doing this for some years now, but I feel like I've been following opportunity - accidentally finding myself somewhere I didn't quite want to be. Last year was challenging for me. I wore myself out working on projects with no financial or emotional pay off. Though they mostly started as personal projects, I realised I was persevering out of obligation to others until my friend Kate gave me a good talking to. I learned some valuable lessons. But this year, I'd like to devote my energy to doing exactly what I want to do, hopefully creating value for others in the process.

In her post, Sam calls it defining your niche. It is an iterative process - your niche will grow and change as you evolve as an individual. The time has never been better than NOW to do exactly what you LOVE doing.

So that's what I'm doing.

I’m Lara. I’m a writer and researcher. I'm interested in how ethics and economics intersect at both macro and micro levels.

I'm interested in people - why we do what's easy, instead of what’s good. Why we do what we do and how we can do it better.

Much of my work looks at how we consume and how our personal attitudes and behaviours are informed by big systems (like policy, media, social trends, provenance, history). I want to understand how we can harness these forces to help people make decisions that are better for them as individuals and us collectively.

I hope what I have to say will be challenging, interesting and wholely my own perspectives. And I hope you'll stop by here occasionally to visit and tell me what YOU think.

What's your niche? Do you actively look at what you can offer that's different to anyone else?

Wedded

In October last year I married a wonderful man named Marcus surrounded by 70 of our nearest and dearest. We were married in Victoria's High Country, just down the road from where Marcus family have lived and farmed for five generations. I wasn't convinced I should share these here, but the setting was sublime and the photos by Caz Whitehead and video by Kealey Nutt from Eleven & Twelve are too good not to share.

Voxself

I received a delightful email from former Fairfax Fashion Editor Janice Breen Burns yesterday, telling me that her new fashion commentary website Voxfrock is now up and running. I've long been a fan of Jan's writing and perspective, but I'm very much looking forward to reading her work now that she is able to express it more freely than she might have otherwise on someone else's masthead.

One of the great perks of self publishing is exactly that - you're your own publisher, you're not accountable to anyone else. Your own opinion can flourish, without being edited by the agendas of others. Now don't get me wrong, this is fraught with issues too (hello, twitter trolls), but it does allow us, the people, a great deal more say.

Much has been made of the move away from traditional print publications to online, particularly in Jan's sphere of fashion. I see this new style of independance as being increasingly critical in a media landscape full of vested interests and obscured corporate agendas. Call me crazy, but I can't help feel that transparent and honest communications on issues as they relate to PEOPLE rather than CORPORATIONS is an important part of a democractic system and critical to the way our society operates.

Yesterday also marked the final time Jan's former employer The Age will distribute their print publication in its extended format, giving way to the bulk of content being delivered online, supplemented by a smaller midweek print run. The end of an era for many, including a number of staff.

As incomprehensible as it may seem for the likes of The Age (or fashion equivalent Vogue) to no longer hold such strong influence, there will likely be a time in the future where print publications simply don't exist. The balance of influence has already shifted percetibly. Small, agile publications (bloggers, tweeters, independent online platforms) are fast gaining ground on their larger, burocratic cousins and threatening to overrun things.

Case in point: i don't watch the news. I don't read the papers (except Saturday's Age, despite the fact it isn't as good as it once was). I subscribe to a selection of niche, mostly independent print publications. I read a great deal of online content - from large and small publishers and persons of interest. My opinions are not being formed by the publications folks once relied on for their connection with the world at large. I publish my own content on several different channels including this one.

Does this mean that I, as a self publisher, should be held to the same ethical standards as these larger outlets (once were)? That means transparency, honesty, balanced opinion, critical thinking, full disclosure. To me, the answer is yes.

This gives me a great deal more responsibility - to read widely, to think carefully and to navigate my way purposefully through the maze of content available to me. It means I need to be much more active as a consumer and creator of content. It means investigating, forming my own opinions - independent of opinions of those I'm reading - and thinking critically. 

The age of passive consumption has passed - of media and everything else. I hope others will take this opportunity become more active in the way they (and others) view their world, the information they consume and share, and the way they participate in the society they inhabit.

Are you a self publisher or an active media consumer? Do you take this seriously? Or should we forget about that and just keep babbling?

Streamlining

Towards the end of last year, I wrote about focus.

Until now though, I've been unable to really cull from my burgeoning "project list" like I should. I've been unwilling to sever the strong emotional connections I've developed to some of the enterprises I'd been incubating, some of them for quite some time now.

After a very well timed conversation with my dear friend Kate, I'm going to try and do it properly. Streamline, that is.

It means being quite ruthless with what I spend my time on. I know that what I'm really interested in is Systems. The big stuff. I want to understand how the big stuff impacts on the smaller stuff, the personal stuff. So I've decided I'm going to focus on this in a real way.

This might look like a slight change in direction. It means some of the projects I'd been planning to spend time on this year will have to be put on the bench for a while. I think this is for the best though - probably for the eventual success of these projects and certainly for my effectiveness and mental health!

Already, I feel like this is a great load off my chest. I feel much more free to dive into the areas I'm truly interested in pursuing. In depth.

This might mean my areas of interest could appear to have shifted. It could be temporary, or permanent. But I need to have a real go at these things and figure out where I stand.

I hope you'll still call by occasionally and visit.

Dancing With the Corpse

The problem is that economy is now toxed out. Radioactive. Crawling with paper vermin and all manner of vermin, especially toxic derivatives - about $1.4 quadrillion worth (even as we are still trying to get used to hearing the term trillions), according to the Bank of National Settlements. That is 1,000 trillion, or $190,000 for every human being on the planet. There is not now, and never will be, enough wealth to cover that puppy, because there is not enough natural world under the puppy to create it. Not the way capitalism creates wealth.

Defenders of capitalism who say it can and must be saved must also admit that there is not enough money left to work with, to invest. There is only debt. Oh, yeah, we forgot; debt is wealth to a banker. Well then, all we gotta do is collect $190,000 per head from people in Sudan and Haiti and the rest of the planet.

- Joe Bageant - view full essay

A Few Things I Learned in 2012

I wrote this a little while ago, but I was worried I sounded jaded and cynical. But after reading this I’ve decided I should publish it anyway.

2012 has been interesting for me. Challenging in many ways, but also enlightening. Hopefully I’ve grown - personally and professionally.

I’ve learned a few harsh lessons. Which are:

If you work for the love of it, and you lose the love, you’re not left with much.
Some of you may also know this as don’t work for free. I worked on some emotionally challenging projects this year. At times, I felt used, exhausted, resentful and unvalued. What I learned is that I will never work for love again, unless it is on my own projects.

Everyone is in it for themselves.
And most likely they don’t give a shit about you, your bank balance, your feelings or your reputation. They want what they want and if you can’t provide it, they’ll toss you and find someone who can. Unless you’re creating value, you’re not valuable.

Kudos doesn’t pay your bills.
Though I’ve benefitted from some lovely pats on the back this year, you can’t pay your bills with kind words and it is another thing entirely to convert positive sentiment to cold hard cash. Clue: You need to DO SOMETHING.

Fragmented focus leads to burn out / Burn out is a real thing.
Fear of missing out and chronic control freak tendencies have left me feeling utterly worn out this year. And while I may not yet have figured out exactly what it is I’m good at, I’ve found things I love doing, and others that I don’t so it hasn’t been for nothing.

I can’t do everything, but I can do something.
I am limited. There are some things (many, in fact) that I am just not good at. Attempting to solve all the world’s problems on my own is sure to lead to insanity. However, doing what I can to the best of my ability is sure to lead to satisfaction, both personally and professionally.

And the best bits:

I’m very lucky to be married to such an incredible man.
Don’t know what he sees in me, but I’m sure glad he sees something.

Delayed gratification is the definition of maturity.
For all her whining, Carrie Bradshaw was right about one thing. And also, doing things for the benefit of others will bring you more happiness and satisfaction than being self involved ever can.

A little bit of perspective changes everything.
Learn to think of yourself from outside your little patch of the world. Then see if you like what you see.

Support comes from where you least expect it.
At periods this year when I’ve really needed support, I have found it from the most unexpected of avenues. As I now know, its when you’re going through a challenging time that you find out who your real friends are. They’re the ones you should hold on to.

I’d rather be farming.
The absolute simplicity of growing your own food, and sitting outside all of the bullshit, is the one biggest thing I’m looking forward to - the light at the end of the tunnel. And I can’t wait.

ENFP

Someone asked me last week what my Myers-Briggs Personality Types is. Cynical as I am about pop psychology, I don’t normally go in for this sort of thing. I had vague recollections of being tested in my final years of high school, and only because I was apparently one of the most extroverted people of 200 or so in our year 11 and 12. Hmmm….

Curious, I did the test again. And it returned a resounding result of ENFP. And if you believe this summary, it is pretty damn on point.

ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents. They are good at most things which interest them. Project-oriented, they may go through several different careers during their lifetime. To onlookers, the ENFP may seem directionless and without purpose, but ENFPs are actually quite consistent, in that they have a strong sense of values which they live with throughout their lives. Everything that they do must be in line with their values. An ENFP needs to feel that they are living their lives as their true Self, walking in step with what they believe is right. They see meaning in everything, and are on a continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to achieve inner peace. They’re constantly aware and somewhat fearful of losing touch with themselves. Since emotional excitement is usually an important part of the ENFP’s life, and because they are focused on keeping “centered”, the ENFP is usually an intense individual, with highly evolved values.

Particularly in the context of my family (none of whom are ENFPs, trust me, I tested them all), this makes an immense amount of sense. My parents couldn’t figure out where my strong sense of values, and what’s right and wrong came from, as they’re both more interested in the outcome. Now I know it is just how I am.

It isn’t all sunshine and roses though.

An ENFP needs to focus on following through with their projects. This can be a problem area for some of these individuals. Unlike other Extraverted types, ENFPs need time alone to center themselves, and make sure they are moving in a direction which is in sync with their values. ENFPs who remain centered will usually be quite successful at their endeavors. Others may fall into the habit of dropping a project when they become excited about a new possibility, and thus they never achieve the great accomplishments which they are capable of achieving.

I’ve been aware of this for a while, and become extremely conscious of my tendency to move on to something new if I’m uninspired by what I’m working on. In some senses it is a relief to know it is an inherent personality type so I can now look to working on it. I’ve noticed too, sometimes I’m so excited about the possibilities that I don’t want to actually DO anything to jeopardise things, in case they don’t work out as well as I hope they might. It is a nice reminder that I need to put as much energy into carrying through with things, than as getting excited about the possibilities, to make sure possibilities are realised.

Any other Myers-Briggs insights? Any fellow ENFPs out there with some great tips?

Off Grid

With all that’s been going on for the last couple of months I’ve been very lazy with my use of social media.

I can’t decide if I care about this or not.

On the one hand, I know the value of good social media use. On the other hand, I feel like I’m at the point where I want to use social media only when it serves me - in a way that is unobtrusive and authentic (ie, not premeditated.)

I’ve had lots of conversations with my friend Kate about how social media’s real value is as a tool for increasing in person, real life, meaningful engagement. (She’s doing great things in this realm with The Fetch.) And I feel like I’m at a good place in this regard.

But does that mean I’m ignoring the vast amount of value beyond this?

The thing is, I feel like I know why I’ve been keeping my digital distance. The issue is though, I don’t quite know how to resolve it.

Stay tuned.

A Good Year

Yesterday I was so overwhelmed with all the work I need to get through, that instead I watched a film. Yeah. I know. No gold star for me on the productivity front.

The film was A Good Year. Nothing groundbreaking. A sweet tale of the good things in life triumphing over the trivial things we all think we want. Russell Crowe was ever charismatic, and Marion Cotillard was charming, demanding and very french. And there was a surprise appearance by Australian Abbie Cornish.

It has kind of thrown me for a loop though. I thought I was getting my head sorted - focusing on the priorities at hand and working through my very handy (and ever present) to do list. Trying to remind myself not to get caught up in the bigger things I want to do, and ignoring my growing bucket list. For now, at least.

But watching Russell (aka Max) live out my lifelong dream - settling on an old chateau in Provence to make wine - was like poking an almost healed wound. It has brought my wanderlust rushing back, it made my crave some quality time at our farm (permanent if possible), and it made me mentally start reconfiguring my to resemble Russell and Marion’s fantasy existence.

I can’t even explain how this feels.

I know reality is never like it seems to be in the movies, but it reminded me in a very real way that there is an alternative to feeling like a hamster on a wheel or whatever the saying is.

I remember a while ago now, when I told my very conservative businessman father that I wanted to leave my job to work on projects I was passionate about, he said to me “I don’t see how that will make you any money”, and I wanted to scream at him, “That’s not the effing point!”

And it isn’t the point. For me at least. It seems there’s a generation gap here. And it probably has to do with the fact that we’ve always had it good, and our parents have always wanted us to have it good, so they’ve always wanted to provide for us financially. In essence, we’re spoilt. We’re also more socially and environmentally aware, overqualified and underexperienced, and hyper connected to the way the global economy works. In a sense, it is inevitable.

And now, my dad tells me he’s not longer enjoying work. He wants to retire and become a farmer. Isn’t it funny how things come full circle?

There must be a balance somewhere. Is having a personally and financially fulfilling life a figment of our collective imaginations?

Am I deluded in thinking, that as soon as Marcus and I are married (less than 2 weeks from now), we can happily make ourselves at home on our farm, grow vegies, drink wine and be happy? Why is it that this simple life is so unattainable for so many of us? What else is there that’s more important?